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Rules if I were Mayor
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Yellow cards and red cards will be distributed by hidden ‘tube detectives’ for repeat offenders for any of the below rules.

Mobile phones will be confiscated if seen to be used in any cases that are not emergencies. For all other reasons, a text will suffice as long as the sound id firmly switched off. Your mobile will be returned to you after your journey along with, if deemed appropriate, a yellow card as a warning.

Rules if I were Mayor


Everyone who is standing MUST hold on to the handrail. If you don’t you will harm, injure and possibly maim.

Rules if I were MayorTourists and parents with young children are only allowed on the tube between 10am and 4pm then 7pm until closing.

All ladies must carry their high heels in a separate bag to change into at work and, while travelling on the tube, must wear flats at all times.

If anyone can hear your music so that they can identify the song or any of the words, it is too loud and any one of those people are hereby sanctioned to remove the offending article.

Two tickets must be purchased for all men over 18 stone and all women size 20 and over. Sorry – this isn’t fattist, it’s practical.

If the tube breaks down or you are stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes or longer, all those with a seat should swap with their nearest standers.

No food or drink allowed on tube – apart from a bottle of water that is small enough to fit in a handbag. That’s all folks.

If you are deemed too ill to travel on the tube, you will be banned for two whole days until you can prove health.





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