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The Unacceptables
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Don’t get on the tube before others have got off. If you do attempt this, expect a push/shoulder barge/elbow (delete as appropriate) for your troubles. If everyone obeyed this simple mantra, I would be one happy woman.

The Unacceptables

Don’t eat on a tube: that’s disgusting – have you no shame? Multiple multiple reasons why not – germs, irritating, messy, smelly… just plain yuck. Even when drunk this is unacceptable. One of my friends ate some greasy fried chicken on the tube on her way home from a drunken night out complete with lip smacking, finger licking noises. A fellow passenger – a stranger – picked up her bag of food and threw it off the tube carriage at the next stop. I applauded.

Wash. Do you have any idea how unpleasant rush hour is at the best of times without my nose against your unwashed armpit?

The Unacceptables

Loud music. I DON’T want to hear your music, especially not over mine and when you are on one side of the carriage and I’m on the other. Those dirty looks ARE aimed at you and deservedly so. Cross reference: personal space, and ‘how to get your own back at perennial rule breakers’.

Mobile phones. I DON’T want to hear your conversation and I DON’T want to hear your ridiculous 1970s TV show style ringtone. You are not cool, popular or trendy. Just an irritant.

Never discuss the end of books, movies or tv shows that you have seen. One simply evil woman ruined the ending of Harry Potter’s final book for me just two days after it was released – give me a flippin chance!

The Unacceptables

Cover your mouth when you cough – I don’t want your germs and I’m sure you don’t want to be the reason for the 21st century spread of the plague. I caught swine flu thanks to someone sneezing on my face – yes, I felt it too.
In fact, if you are ill, don’t use the tube at all.

Stilettos. If you have to wear them on the tube, please please PLEASE watch where you are standing. I have actually had a broken toe due to a stiletto on a tube and the culprit still looked at me like it was my fault for being in the way.
When carrying bags or shopping, put these on the floor. The continuous banging in my leg isn’t just annoying – it HURTS and is tantamount to actual bodily harm.

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